Miss Fanny Farquar

“I feel so fortunate to be in this position. It’s not about money – well, having money is wonderful, of course, but I’d live on baked beans and pickled cabbage if my Quinny asked me to! It’s about luck, really. Such a coincidence to have met Quinny – that’s Lord Quinten to most people, at least those he doesn’t adore as much as me! – at the Rodin exhibition 6 weeks ago and to have fallen madly in love at first sight. You can’t buy that kind of privilege … although Quinny encourages me to buy lots of things. But I don’t mind. I’d buy him the moon if there were a shopping trolley big enough!”

Miss Fanny

An Interview To Die For

You’re about to attend Lord Quinten Daventry’s birthday party.  Is this a special occasion?  

Oh, it most certainly is.  Darling Quinny has gone so far as to say I am almost co-hosting the party!   Can you imagine? Naturally he will do all the speaking bits and greet the guests … and select the menu and the wines … and compose the invitation list … but he has so generously allowed me to participate by funding the party, and has even hinted that he might be thinking of … oh, goodness gracious!  I’m quite pink in the cheeks at the very thought, I couldn’t possibly say it out loud!  Suffice to say that I simply can’t wait to attend the party.

Are you buying Lord Quinten a present?

Well, the funny thing is that I HAD selected a present for him from my private collection, but a dear friend of mine explained to me that it was in extremely poor taste to flash one’s money about in situations like this.  So instead, I’ve decided to surprise him with a gift that really expresses my love and adoration for him – but I really can’t say any more, or it will ruin the surprise!

What would you do if you won the Lottery?

What’s the Lottery?  Is it a board game?  Ooh, I LOVE games!  Daddy tried to teach me to play chess once, but I could never understand why the horses didn’t just jump over all the other pieces like in a steeplechase.  I love horses.  Daddy bought me a horse when I was five – I called him Miss Pumpkin Buttercup.

What do you think of Tony Abbott?

I LOVE Tony Abbott – I think he’s a creative genius!  I watch him whenever I have a spare moment, which isn’t often these days with my other … well, artistic endeavours  (more on that later).  But whenever I see him, with his wiggly eyebrows and silly toupee, I laugh and laugh until I have to dash to the lavatory!  And don’t even get me started on that Costello character!

If you were Prime Minister what’s the first thing you would do?

A woman as Prime Minister?  Don’t be silly!!  Next you’ll be suggesting we let little Lizzie ascend the throne as Queen!  Well, it would take the death of her grandfather and father, and a controversial abdication by her uncle to marry a foreign strumpet before that became a possibility.  How far-fetched and ridiculous a proposition is that?!

Cats, Dogs or Goldfish?

All of them!  I simply love animals.  Daddy used to keep dogs for hunting, and sometimes I’d dress them up with little bows on their collars so they’d look smart.  I had a cat when I was little but she ran away, even though I gave her baths every day and let her eat jam sandwiches.  I had a goldfish too, but one day Mummy sent it on a little holiday in the lavatory.

What do you do in your spare time?

When I’m not spending time with my darling Quinny, I am furthering myself in the creative arts.  Many years ago my art tutor was let go in disgrace when Mummy and Daddy found out he was spending a lot of time modeling for my life drawing sessions.  Anyway, now that I am older and wiser I have taken on an artistic mentor in Miss Gwendella Garavinah, and she is tutoring me in all things creative and cultural.  Such a wonderful lady, so humble and generous,  as she often reminds me,  but I’m careful to regularly supplement her meagre fee with a variety of perks and treats.  Oh, goodness!  Here am I, sailing much too close to the wind in talking about my newfound artistic talent – I’ve almost spilled the baked beans on Quinny’s surprise birthday gift!  Please, forget I mentioned anything…

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