Nanny Maude

Tea, cake and some lively banter – what more pleasure can there be in life.? My mother always told me that everything can be solved with a strong cup of tea. Non of this lemon business, tea must always be served in china cups with milk. My mother was an inspiration to me she gave me my sense of style and, I swear, a sixth sense to see those whose aspirations are not positive. Skullduggery follows me but never betters me!

Nanny Maude

An Interview To Die For

You’re about to attend Lord Quinten Daventry’s birthday party? Is this a special occasion?

I’ve taken care of young Quinten since he was a babe in my arms, and so every birthday is special. Sadly though I don’t believe I’ll be able to embark on the arduous journey this year unaided. My duties here at the McDaventry School of Refinement for Young Girls keeps me fully occupied.

What will you be wearing?

A woman’s character is displayed by her ability to robustly converse on a range of topics and draw from a rich tapestry of experience. My attire will be of no consequence to anyone but me. That’s the trouble with young ladies today – so much vanity and frippery – flapper dresses, crimped hair and silly feathers when they should be focusing on their deportment and conversational skills.

Are you buying Lord Q a present?

I find greater joy in creating a gift, so this year, as every year, I shall be baking Lord Quinten a Victoria sponge cake to my special recipe with a touch of Highland raspberry jam as the filling, made with a wee bit of butter.  A firm sponge cake – with no sagging bits – is the mark of a firm woman.

Are you currently in a relationship – with whom? Or how is your love life?

You are a most impertinent young lady.  I think you’d do well to enrol in a course I run ‘Appropriate conversation for ladies of standing’

What would you do if you won the Lottery?

If I were to win thoosands and thoosands of poonds [ed. Scottish accent], I might treat myself to a sturdy pair of shoes and a copy of the History of Scotland, but otherwise I would set up an educational establishment for young women from pauper households.  Women are the backbone of a strong country and education brings strength, confidence and independence.

If you were Prime Minister what’s the first thing you would do?

Education for all, especially the girls. Education is an investment in our future as a country and as an Empire. Rule Britannia!

Are you a fan of the Royal Family – have you met any of them?

I am a great admirer of Queen Mary in particular – in fact I like to model my standards of etiquette on her –  but I have not had the pleasure of being presented at Court. I suspect we’d have a lot in common.

What’s your favourite kind of food/drink and/or restaurant?

Turnip stew, it was my family’s staple diet as a young girl and it never did me any harm. Mind you, one does need a robust constitution to avoid any anti-social consequences from the root vegetables.

What’s your favourite show and why? 

I can tell you what I don’t like, and I tend to agree with Sir Thomas Beecham that “Brass bands are all very well in their place – outdoors and several miles away”. A jolly Scottish folk dance is quite a different matter, however.

What do you do in your spare time?

I assume you mean time when the devil may find work for my idle hands? Spare time is not even in my lexicon. Here is a brochure of the refinement courses I run, I do think you’d benefit from  ‘Appropriate conversation for ladies of standing’.

Good day to you Miss

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