Lord Quinten Daventry

An Interview To Die For

You’re about to throw a party to celebrate your birthday? Is there anything special about this birthday or reason for the big bash?

Every birthday is special because it’s all about me! I really don’t feel that  I’m celebrated enough throughout the year for my position and my achievements, so I think my birthday is the perfect time to remind everyone how fabulous and wonderful I am!

What will you be wearing at your party and where did you buy your outfit?

Well, I’ve recently found myself in rather strained circumstances so I have had to pull out the old dinner suit from years back, the one my dear departed mother gave me before her tragic passing. But my Great Uncle Bernie has kindly given me his old waistcoat as it no longer fits around his rather ample middle region.

You’re also a regular on the race track, Caulfield/Melbourne Cup?

Well indeed, you could call me a horsey sort of Lord, could you not? Not particularly great at riding the bloody beasts myself, obviously, but I do quite enjoy watching others (no names mentioned) lose all their money on false tips! Ha ha!!

Are you currently in a relationship- with whom? Or how is your love life?

Well I have been courting someone special actually and I do have some very big plans with regard to her.  The lovely but, ahem,  plain Miss Fanny Farquar has been very grateful to accompany me all over the “continent” in the past few months, at great expense to my best friend Monty.

What do you think of Tony Abbott?

Who is that? Yes, of course, he must be one of that dreadful Gwendella Garavinah’s ex-lovers!! Goodness knows how many gentlemen she has entertained in her time. I dread to think.

Are you a fan of the Royal Family- have you met any of them?

Met them shouldn’t you be asking if they’ve met me?

Do you believe in women’s rights?

Don’t be ridiculous! Women have the right to get married, and it’s their duty to make their husbands happy and produce an heir to inherit their husband’s fortune. Surely that’s all they need? Oh and maybe the right to wear a new pretty dress at all times! I don’t think women want to contribute to any important decisions in our society, do they? That must surely come from men, and specifically men of substance and society, like myself and my Uncle Bernie.

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