You’re about to attend Lord Quinten Daventry’s birthday party? Is this a special occasion?
I’ve taken care of young Quinten since he was a babe in my arms, and so every birthday is special. Sadly though I don’t believe I’ll be able to embark on the arduous journey this year unaided. My duties here at the McDaventry School of Refinement for Young Girls keeps me fully occupied.
What will you be wearing?
A woman’s character is displayed by her ability to robustly converse on a range of topics and draw from a rich tapestry of experience. My attire will be of no consequence to anyone but me. That’s the trouble with young ladies today – so much vanity and frippery – flapper dresses, crimped hair and silly feathers when they should be focusing on their deportment and conversational skills.
Are you buying Lord Q a present?
I find greater joy in creating a gift, so this year, as every year, I shall be baking Lord Quinten a Victoria sponge cake to my special recipe with a touch of Highland raspberry jam as the filling, made with a wee bit of butter. A firm sponge cake – with no sagging bits – is the mark of a firm woman.
Are you currently in a relationship – with whom? Or how is your love life?
You are a most impertinent young lady. I think you’d do well to enrol in a course I run ‘Appropriate conversation for ladies of standing’
What would you do if you won the Lottery?
If I were to win thoosands and thoosands of poonds [ed. Scottish accent], I might treat myself to a sturdy pair of shoes and a copy of the History of Scotland, but otherwise I would set up an educational establishment for young women from pauper households. Women are the backbone of a strong country and education brings strength, confidence and independence.